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It Felt Like Drowning

by Disguise The Silence

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1.
Open up your mouth and close your mind Don't forget to breathe between each line Fear not, the world has heard you vocalize Friends are simply flesh to store your knives Here again Why should I expect you to believe me when Everyone lives for themselves Everyone lives for themselves Everyone dies by themselves Everyone dies by themselves Medicate your pain, its all you know Numb your blood as far as it will go Smile, laugh, and nod, its just for show The bottle is a prison, not a home Here again Why should I expect you to believe me when I'm over it So long as your alive for us to meet again Everyone lives for themselves Everyone lives for themselves Everyone dies by themselves Everyone dies by themselves Everyone lives for themselves Everyone lives for themselves Everyone dies by themselves Everyone dies by themselves
2.
The Escapist 05:04
I know you're afraid The truth alone might paint a target on your back You're digging your own grave and placing all the blame on what your lovers lack So bury me beside the preacher's verse I'm drowning in your every word Sail away inside the bottle's arms I'm dying to know who you are and what you've done with me Everybody here acts like they know you but they don't know you like I do Crippled by the fear that they might see you coming unglued and every crutch you use to fight it So bury me beside the preacher's verse I'm drowning in your every word Sail away inside the bottle's arms I'm dying to know who you are and what you've done with me Numb yourself, just numb yourself File down the edges to relieve the strain Its just as well, maybe this is hell Remind yourself that we're all dying anyway
3.
Notice Me 04:02
Raising fists and dropping bombs Buy the car and get the girl We are never in the wrong and nothing matters in this world Loyalty loses its flavor when you're starving for attention Join the chorus, stop resisting, no one's here to learn a lesson Singing Notice me Look this way before I start to see the mess I've made Bellies never satisfied with empty minds and fragile hearts I'll sign in blood to get what's mine Just watch our story fall apart Notice me Look this way before I start to see the mess I've made Finally I'm seeing you for who you are Empty just like me Oh how many years have gone to waste Oh how human lives do lose their taste Notice me Look this way before I start to see the mess I've made Finally I'm seeing you for who you are Empty just like me Notice me NOTICE ME
4.
Preacher Man 02:29
Preacher man Rehearse the way you raise your hands Inspire the crowd to take a stand Preacher man Preacher man Empty their wallets in the pan Swear that there's a promised land Preacher man Play it cool Keep them fooled God's a myth I cannot prove wrong in time to make it right Christian child How long did your heart run wild before your parents' lie defiled Broken child Preacher man You know where the lie began This country's blood is on your hands Preacher man What am I but a sty in your greedy corporate eye Guess your way is here to stay No.
5.
Pages 06:30
I come from a desert A place so dry of substance Here the city gathers to bet their faith on some chance The world is nestled safe in the hands of "god the father" So dad why do you starve your sons and rape your daughters? You knew This makes it harder to trust you to trust you All my life floating along on a lie that I saw through when I grew… My skin is cracked and flaking from the wind left by your words I hid in your throat for shelter and found my conscience burned by your curses and excuses for the hate your bible breathes This game of counting moral cards is surely not for me I fell through the pages like the paper held no weight Each word became a pound of dirt to shovel in my grave You beat me half to death and just like you taught I prayed and you knew… This makes it harder to trust you to trust you All my life floating along on a lie that i saw through when I grew up Goodbye my friend I swear I'll find the end God where were you Nowhere to be found
6.
Trenches 02:55
Just say the words Say you don't trust me I've run out of verse to describe how I've tried Now I'm empty So I'll hang my head and you'll tie the rope Then I'll waste my breath My excuse a joke Still I'm too naive to know when I should leave and I stare down the hall This house is just walls and a ceiling without you Just make a sound Tell me you're here too Make it sharp, make it loud I'm too stubborn and proud just to hear you So I'll dig a trench and I'll crawl inside My pillow is drenched and I'd rather hide than face you or fix this or look in the mirror at myself Was it worth it? Never is and I'm feeling so small This apartment its all just a building and empty without you Without you Oh no, I'm learning the hard way I'm not better than anyone I'm not better than anyone I'm no saint but i've broken some I'm not better Look: what do I remind you of? I'm not loving myself enough I'm not better than anyone I'm not better
7.
Not Alone 07:33
What if all we are is dying slowly What if all I've done is waste my time If we've truly nothing left to live for Why should I just wait around to die Can you hear me screaming through the water Words blend in so gently with the rain God was always silent when I cried out Maybe I have never known its name I am not alone here I have never been I am not alone here I have never been I am not alone here I have never been Every time I fall apart you love me still What if all I am is living empty What if that's exactly what I need Have I stayed here longer than is healthy What if all my friends are ghosts like me I am not alone here I have never been I am not alone here I have never been Every time I fall apart you love me still I will not forget who loved me first and those that stand beside me to this day I will not forget who quenched my thirst when god was laying silent in its grave
8.
Coffin Nails 02:23
Some said it was just for show but you helped me feel the realest thing I know Dig up the pain let it show the songs that it wrote and the heart that it broke I wont forget the love I've lost I cherish the pain it caused and cling to nights its hard to live Reminds me I've love to give Inside my chest you were home Your mess was my mess and your words were my rope I clung to your breath when you spoke Your insults brought freedom your jabs gave me hope I wont regret the times I failed They're lessons not coffin nails and cling to nights I almost died Reminds me I'm loved It gets better I'll be just fine Its not just survival Its learning to thrive Its smiles and laughter on nights when you cry Its friendship and couches you'll crash on like I will tonight
9.
Once I was afraid that you were dead Scared the pills could work faster than me Try not to collapse inside my head As I beg "open your eyes, don't fall asleep" Your lips are turning blue And the thought of losing you is getting real is getting real You're staring into death as you take one lucid breath "Do you hate me?" she says I could never love you less Once I watched the blood drain from your face The doctor said the poison wore you thin Your heart grew weak as mine began to race with my eyes fixed on your body giving in Your lips are turning blue And the thought of losing you is getting real is getting real You're staring into death as you take one lucid breath "Do you hate me?" she says I could never love you less "Do you hate me 'Cause I don't love myself You see I'm breaking Just being here is hell"
10.
Stay 03:34
Who am I to say you should stay when lifting your head only sharpens the ache Yet to find a poison to take that misses your heart while it kills off the pain Have you felt so tired and small that you swear when you speak no one hears you at all and your heartbeat slows to a crawl and each coming breath feels like scaling a wall I'm grasping for words but I love you is all I can say Please stay I heard you say it burns in your chest I can tell that you mean it with each labored breath and the thought that scares me to death is that you wont know relief and you're finding no rest I'll never blame you and I'll always love you the same Please stay Stay Oh what monstrous love I have found to spend life beside you then lay with my friends in the ground
11.
Come Hell 07:31
When I'm dead will there be legacy to be missed When I'm gone will you speak with honeyed or bitter lips Lay my remains open wide Onlookers few will see Hell is a a place inside not molten beneath our feet I've been questioning my value on this planet and I've found evidence abound The measure of a man cannot be weighed in sand or built by hand in greed Its how we loved you'll see Come hell I will love come hell When I'm old will I fear the grave or my list of deeds enough to invent god to wash my guilt out to sea I'll tear my voice tonight to shreds if it means you'll see Hell is a place inside a product of apathy I've been caring far too much to care for complacency I dare the world to test me so I stutter, drown in my own words I wrote for you when I was bloodied, bare and on those words I'll choke If all the world's my stage and they say "act your age" With bodies bruised and more abuse unspoken for If closure is not close and threatens overdose If god is sleeping when we're told to fear again Come hell, I will love come hell If lies infest our dreams and separate the seams If faith and truth should drown and burn our houses down If rumors show their teeth to crush our hopes beneath If sickness in our heads should leave our passion dead Come hell, I will love come hell
12.
Struggle to breathe One foot beneath the waves I saw the sea as a lake in my dreams Now I concede Drowning so reckless The ocean and all of the life it contains is much bigger than me Deeper than me What should I think, if I should die tonight, of empty religion or my family? What will they write upon finding my body? You said not to worry but left this in ink: "This is probably akin to what dying feels like and I am no longer interested" What's the point of making myself a stranger to all I love? All my life I've buried it down It felt so much like drowning until now like drowning until now Of all the guilt I hold Malice feels the worst Before my story's told Forgive my conscience first for nights spent feeling empty with a stranger in my bed or sitting in the closet with a gun pressed to my head "This is probably akin to what dying feels like" What's the point of making myself a stranger to all I love? All my life I've buried it down It felt so much like drowning until now like drowning until now I have learned to love this song and I have learned to love my friends I will learn to love myself before I die, if nothing else

about

We recorded this album ourselves over the better part of what amounted to be one of the hardest years of our lives. Its release symbolizes closure, the overcoming of insurmountable odds, and most importantly, the love of everyone who has touched our lives over the last few years. This album is an honest attempt at a love letter to anyone who's ever felt like they were drowning at the hands of stress, loss, depression, or abuse. There is a light at the end of the tunnel, and we can reach it together.

Love, Disguise the Silence

credits

released December 1, 2015

Released on BandWagon Records.
We're forever grateful for their passion and support of independent music.

Dan Granger: drums
Michael Olivier: guitar, bass, vocals
Zach Shepherd: guitar, vocals
Additional vocals: Paul Beveridge, Bryan Cahill, Sigorney Moore
Recorded, mixed, and Mastered by Michael Olivier
Painting featured on cover by Robert Landis
Layout & photography by Michael Olivier

Special thanks: Ely Corliss, Jacob Fleecs, Roy Catlin, Devon Hildebrandt, Stefan Lopez, Pie Lombardi, Dave Farrell, Patrick Gordon, Dug Grave, Brian Fairweather, every band we’ve shared the stage with, our families, the wonderful staff at the Moxi Theater, Point Source Audio, our indiegogo supporters, you.

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Disguise The Silence Greeley, Colorado

Thanks for everything.
Show love to those who experience hell.

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